Gideon Abel Russell

Gideon Abel Russell
Born October 23, 2014 at 5:47 p.m. (39 weeks)
Weighing 8 lbs 15 ounces
Measuring 21 inches long
Birth team:
Juliet (midwife) Lynne (assistant midwife) Stephanie (doula) Corey (loving supportive husband)

Written addressed to my beautiful third son.

Dear Gideon,

Our third son. I cannot believe God chose us to have a third son. Again, God surprised me with your birth. Unlike your older brother Titus, we knew you would be a boy. But to our surprise you came a week before your due date.

Just like both times before, I was in labor with you for weeks before you came. I had strong irregular contractions, and weak regular contractions, and even regular strong contractions the weeks before you came.

I prayed so hard to be patient. The last month had been a roller coaster of emotions. I worried I had a scary condition that I didn't. I was so tired. I wanted you to come, but I wanted you to stay in as long as you needed.

The night before you came I was at the end of my rope. I had sat on the couch all day because I was so exhausted. I waited until 4:00 pm to do dishes and had a late start on dinner. As I was cooking I splashed grease on my belly-and had a dramatic moment.
"God, please bring this baby to me soon!" I cried.

When daddy got home from work I laid all of my burdens on him, only to find he had a fever and felt ill. I quickly regretted my prayer and feared laboring with a sick husband.

Your brothers and I ate dinner. Daddy put them to bed and took some home remedies. Garlic, vitamin C and a hot toddy.

Around 11:30 p.m. contractions felt much more regular. But in disbelief, I ignored them and went to sleep.

Around 1:30 a.m. I woke up to pee as usual, and felt they were more intense. I timed them and they were falling more regularly. I woke Daddy and told him not to worry, but to be prepared. Praise God that his fever had broken and he was feeling much better. I forced myself back to sleep, knowing I may really need rest if I was going into active labor.

I awoke again at 3:30, ate a snack, and told daddy "more intense." I did some pelvic tilts to try to turn you from posterior (you kiddos like that position). I climbed back into bed and tried to force myself back to sleep.

I tossed and turned and felt the contractions go from regular to irregular, back to regular, and into quite painful. Around 5:00 a.m. I decided to take a shower. Back labor was present, but I still didn't believe this was it.

I remember standing in the shower and staring down at you in my belly. I began to long for the feel of Isaiah's hair and the sound of Titus' voice. Mommy feelings were oozing from me. God was listening because Titus pitter pattered in to tell me he loved me.

Daddy put Titus back to bed. I got out of the shower and dressed. Daddy decided to put our friend Amanda on call for picking up the boys, and he called into work. I believe at this point we alerted our doula that we may need her later. We waited to call Juliet, we wanted her to be well rested.

Mommy rested until 7:00 a.m. Your brothers were ready to start the day around then.

I spent the next few hours doing labor positions, getting rubs from Titus and Daddy, napping, eating, drinking water, and laughing. I was so happy to be in the presence of our family. I wanted to soak in our last few hours as a foursome.

We went on a family walk. I was totally myself despite needing to stop to breathe through contractions. Though I had been this way for weeks.

We came home and had Amanda pick up your brothers.

Daddy and I ate lunch. We cuddled, gave lots of kisses, laughed, and joked. Daddy rubbed my back as I got on hands and knees through each contraction.

Around 12:30 p.m. We alerted the birth team that we really thought this was it. I finally admitted it. We called Juliet a little earlier she said
"Call if you think its getting intense, or if you think its going to get intense."
We were thinking the later.

Daddy and I cried, and prayed, and sang songs to Jesus together. We were so thankful you were coming.
I decided to take another shower. I wanted the tub, but Juliet's rule is no tub until she arrives because it can speed things up before she arrives.

I begged for the tub. I told Daddy I couldn't do it. I knew at this point I was close to transition.

Juliet arrived around 2:00 or 2:30. I got of the showe as soons as I heard her soothing voice. We talked but my body was falling into labor. She relaxed me and the contractions began piling.

When Stephanie arrived I had her fill the tub.
I got in and began to relax. I began to breathe with the rhythm of the contractions and vocalize.

I just spent time relaxing and breathing over the next couple of hours. Contractions were intense and piling on top of each other. I had felt pushy for a while, but I chose breathing over pushing. I could feel you move down with each contraction.

I envisioned waterfalls, and picnics in the woods with your daddy and brothers. I prayed and pleaded. I heard encouragment from Stephanie, Juliet, and Daddy.
They brought me water and cold rangs. They checked your beautiful heart rate.

At around 4:00 pm I finally asked Juliet to check my dilation. I needed a push of encouragement and hopefully not discouragement.

To my surprise (not Juliets) I was 9.5 cm dilated with a bulging bag of waters.
I praised God loudly. Daddy suggested sitting up to help you move down. I didn't listen. You would have come much sooner if I had listened. But I didn't want to move.

After about an hour more of contractions, Juliet and Stephanie decided to ask me to move. I was pushy and laying down was not doing much.

So they helped me out of the tub and on to the toilet aka the birth throne- where I also birthed Titus.

Once I sat down the pushing began. One push, I felt you moving down. Two pushed, "her water broke!" The birth team and Daddy joined my side.
Three pushes, "here comes his head!"
Four pushes, there you were.

Blueish at first, no vernix really at all, not a lot of noise until I hugged you, you let out a cry. My beautiful Gideon.

Only six minutes of pushing! Praise the Lord.
After cuddles, a little nursing, and gushing, you were measured and weighed. 8.15lbs 21 inches. Another big, beautiful boy.
Born in the comfort of our home, loved by mommy, daddy, Isaiah, and Titus.

We are excited to watch you grow. Praise the Lord that we get to spend time with another precious soul formed by Him.

We love you Gideon Abel Russell.

Love,
Mommy

Continuing On.

It has been such a long time since I have sat down to write a blog post. But I have decided that I want to pick it back up again.

I plan to write about all kinds of things that interest me, and things that God has laid on my heart.

These things will include:

My dear husband, and our marriage.
Our two little boys, Isaiah (3) and Titus (1.5), and their growth.
Myself and my growth in the Lord.
Our neighborhood, in downtown Louisville. Urban living, innercity surviving, farming/gardening, the neighbors...etc. God is moving here.
Christian community. Essential to growth and sanity, I believe.
Food. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Frugal and simple living.
Political matters, and thoughts on "conspiracy theories", or in my opinion, having my own brain.
And so much more.

I hope you'll join me in the learning, ranting, venting, expressing, reflecting.

Journey through new Interests and Accidental Addictions

On a hot July morning I found myself angrily stomping up the stairs of our 100 year old house to pull my boys out of their mamaw's room. They always love sneaking up there to watch extra television and rummage through her junk food stockpile. As I picked up my plump one year old and began removing the energetic one with my words, I was drawn to the television myself. A man sat in a court room with orange hair, and the weirdest expressions on his face.

My mom told me that he was the man who killed many at the theater in Colorado: James Holmes.

I barley heard those words as I was taken back by his face. After being so sickened by the sadness portrayed in the scene, I gathered the boys and we headed downstairs.

I began straightening our always messy home, when I noticed my husband walked in the door. I began telling him that I thought James Holmes was demon-possessed or incredibly ill. He didn't know who James Holmes was. I explained that, then went on to tell him the rest. Then it hit me. Could this be a set up? Are there already arising conspiracy theories? They said he was on drugs...why? Then I began to Google, with little luck.

The ideas stirred inside of my mind-pot for days. I experienced many emotions. I envisioned the terror on the poor souls in the theater. I prayed for the victims and James constantly, knowing that if he did do this...he deserved forgiveness, just as I have been forgiven.

I found out information on the suposed murder though. Evidence that pointed to everything but a killer. However, as a sinner...I know people change. I have seen myself turn angry on my children so quickly...even with the Lord in my heart. Still, something didn't seem right.

On a Saturday...I decided to completely neglect my family (neglecting:not good) to do some YouTube searching. I found videos made by someone who was very much on top of the case. This man had found evidence that the media hadn't talked about. Things that pointed to more than one shooter. Crazy unexplainable evidence. I watched videos for a few hours, and this case began to be all I could think about.

From that point onward, months later, I still found that all I could think about was the James Holmes case. I felt sorrow for this possible innocent man, I felt anger toward whomever may have set him up. I felt confused and scared. I was beginning to get sick from my heavy consumption and crazy mind. I was distant from the Lord, and needed a break.

So I took a break. I evaluated why I cared. I prayed for hours, and wrote out reflections.

I came up with why I was in shock mode:

I'm known to make little g gods like any other human being. Normally those little g gods are surrounded around homemaking, mothering, being a wife, healthy food, music...whatever. Not this. Not the "news". I was so confused and baffled at why I was interested.

I realize that I care because I have a longing for justice in my heart. The Lord has planted it there. Now I know that whoever may be behind this case (as I still believe the story we are being told is not right), deserves forgiveness too. That even if we don't bring justice to this case, the Lord is in control, and I'm just a pawn. Satan is the ultimate enemy and he desires for total corruption. So I will not condemn the wrongdoers, I have no right to. Sin sickens me, so I don't want to give in to it. However, I believe that there is evidence in this case that needs to be looked into, and everyone deserves to see it.

I realized that I also care because I care about people. I do not worry about my future because I'm secure in the Lord regardless, but I know that the people of our government are sinful too. So corruption is possible, and existant.

After my break I realized that I could pursue this interest without making it a god with the Lord's help alone. I'm feeling healthier now. Only by God's grace. But I felt the need to share this journey with others. I'm still reading lots on this case...because I care. I care about those who are weak and cannot defend themselves.

I'm desiring to take action steps here. So people can know what is going on. I realize the media isn't giving too much time to this case anymore, and I think that makes us care less. Heck, I don't really know what else is going on in the news. God has laid this specific case on my heart. So I will be posting videos on facebook here and there, ones that I find to be incredibly valuable to the case. I want those of you who care to know, to know.

Please pray for me. Pray that I have wise discernment in this, and that I do not let it become a god. Pray that I divide my time well, and that the Lord would just continue to pursue me and I would rest in Him.

Journaled Thoughts Published After a Long Absence

I've let go of this blog a bit. The last post was of my youngest son's birth, which was over a year ago. Life stays so busy, and it's hard to find the time to blog my thoughts and experiences. But sometimes I feel the need to update, especially if there is a lot weighing on my heart.

These last few weeks have been difficult for me. It actually all started when I saw this character, James Holmes, in court. I was rounding up my children from my moms room, where they were (as usual if we don't intervene) glued to the television.

I looked at what was on as I scooped Titus up to carry downstairs. This man, with bright orange hair, and as pasty as a corpse, staring into nothing...expressionless, unless he was making a face that looked surprised. Something didn't feel right in my soul as I looked at this man. I have experience with being around mentally altered individuals. Many of which I interact with on a weekly basis. I also know when someone looks drugged, as my past is laced with some of those scenarios. Something wasn't right here.

And as my paranoid mind wandered, I began googling "James Holmes conspiracy theories". There weren't many at the time. There are a few now. After reading more and more, over the weekspan or so, I have learned that not much has really lined up. No one is probably paying attention to these things, mainly because we are all worried about a fast food chain and their beliefs. But there is a lot of fishy business going on with this case, and the situation in general.

I'm not going to talk about that much more, as you can draw your own conclusions, and I don't want to influence many on this matter. My conclusion is that our government is sinful, like all of humanity...and because of this, there is much corruption. Corruption we don't see, and corruption that will never be completely healed...until the Lord returns.

As I spent so much time wondering about this stuff...I questioned why God led me to these things. Why did I care? Why do I think this way, and another fully saved, Holy Spirited filled Christian, may not? The Lord makes us passionate about all kinds of different disputable matters...and we don't have to agree on all things.

The Lord has been good in showing me Himself in all of this study. I have come to realize how much I love Him. Our government is man. It can, will, and has failed us...because it is flawed. But God, Father God, will not kill me so he can have more power, so He can have more money. He loves me...He is not failing me. He offered me the only salvation that I can not achieve on my own. He is in control. I'm so encouraged in realizing that He is the only entity that will not fail me. He rules the world...and He lives in me.

Titus Samuel Russell

Titus Samuel Russell

Born at home:July 13, 2011

2:36 p.m.

Weighing 10 lbs 1 ounce, and 22 inches long

Birth Team: Juliet Dietsch(midwife) Aundria Radmacher(assistant midwife) Maya Hawthorn (assistant in the making) and Corey Russell (loving supportive husband)

Written addressed to my second beautiful son.

Our second son, so loving and handsome. Finding out God had gifted us with another boy was such a pleasant surprise! I looked up at your dad moments after you entered the world, only to hear him say "Hi Titus." Tears came to my eyes as a joyfully asked, "It's a boy?!" We were so excited in waiting to find out your gender!

I was in labor with you for weeks before your arrival. Everyday for about a month I would have intense sporadic contractions, or weak regular contractions. We thought you were never going to come. But God taught us to be patient, and you did. Come to find out, all of those contractions were slowly preparing my body for you to arrive. I was 5cm dilated the afternoon before you arrived, the midwife had checked me, and stripped my membranes that day. You were a week overdue. She assured us that if you were ready to come,stripping the membranes would cause you to arrive 24 to 48 hours after, and if not...we would wait another week.

An hour after leaving our appointment I found myself feeling more intense contractions, but I was so busy with your brother I didn't pay much attention to them. "Could this be it?" I wondered in excitement, but still did the usual routine. I made dinner, waited for daddy to come home, cleaned up, and settled down to snuggle with daddy and Isaiah for the night. I went to bed late that night, ignoring the advice of one of the midwives.

At about 3:00 a.m. I woke with some pretty intense contractions, and decided to take a bath. I remember seeing a daddy long leg in the tub that morning...and being really aggravated with it. I ran the water, and sat there for only a couple of minutes...then rushed into our bedroom with pain that made me vocalize. Daddy called Grammy and Pepaw to come and get Isaiah, and called the midwife...who could hear me in the background, and used that as her cue to come.

I sat on the floor for a while, as your daddy tried to soothe me with a rice sock on my back. As soon as I felt the back pain, I knew I was going to have tons of back labor. You were turned in a weird position that caused more back labor to mommy. But no worries, God pushed us through.

The midwives arrived around 5:00 a.m. I was already hitting transition at this point, which is the hardest part of labor. They made themselves as home, as mommy and daddy slow danced in our dark bedroom. We were both so excited that you'd soon be here. And both praying that you would come quickly.

The midwives had suggested that we move to the bathtub because of my back labor. I went with much excitement, and spent most the time there. I relaxed, prayed, and focused. Daddy brought me snacks, rubbed my head, and gave lots of kisses...but mostly just sat beside me quietly, as I was off in labor land, praying and meditating.

I often had to lay on my right side because you were coming down into the birth canal with your head turned in an odd position. But we worked together with God, and your head turned correctly!

The midwives checked me at about 11:00 a.m., and I was almost 10cm dilated, which meant things were really progressing. Soon after my water broke and a little after that the pushing began.

I pushed you standing for a while, which was exhausting. I felt an adrenaline rush come over my body as I pushed down. The strength of God alone helped me endure this. We moved to the toilet, where you were almost completely pushed out! But we didn't want you to be born into the toilet, so mommy squatted right in front, and with a few more pushes, you were out! It took 45 minutes all in all, because you were a BIG BOY.

I was so excited to pull you to my chest as soon as you were born. Such joy filled my soul as I looked at you, and your alien head. The aftermath was amazing. Your daddy was the first to discover your gender, and we were so excited and thankful to welcome you into our family!

We named you Titus, which means "of the giants" perfectly fitting because of your size...but also in hopes of you one day having giant faith. We are so happy to dedicate your soul to the Lord, and to raise you along with your brother in the midst of his grace.

I Had Ashes Put on My Forehead Today!

Chelsea and I were woken this morning at 6:17 am. Isaiah was standing in his crib holding on to the rails, bouncing up and down singing songs to our King. It was beautiful. He woke us up just in time to get ready for a gathering known as Ash Wednesday. I'm glad he did because it was a very profound experience. Chelsea, Isaiah, and I gathered with about 300 other people at Sojourn to take part in this event. Ash Wednesday is, as Pastor Daniel put it, the kick off of lent. It is a time to remember death, to understand and reflect on the fact that our bodies are failing, and that we can do nothing to stop it. It is a time to remember that even our Savior King Jesus died.

As we were leaving we passed two of our beloved friends; they were mourning this very real thing called death. It was at that moment that God pushed my heart to realize the gravity of why we had gathered. I finally understood, as I was watching my friend seek comfort in the words of her husband (who was only reflecting the love of God), that death has a very harsh sting.

In a few days lent will be among us, and a lot of us will be making some sort of sacrifice. We will be giving something up so that we may lean on God in order to grow closer to Him. We will experience, in our own jaded tainted way, what He felt having to sacrifice His son. We will be giving something up, all in light of knowing that our bodies will die.

So let us praise God for Easter Sunday! We can finally rejoice, knowing that our sacrifices and our longing to be closer to our Creator is not in vain. Even though our Savior died, and was put in the grave, on the third day the grave was empty. Our King arose with the keys and we as Christians will not have to taste the bitter taste of death. There is comfort in the love of God and claiming victory over the monster death.

I am very excited to say HE HAS RISEN INDEED!!!!!!

Isaiah Alexander Russell

I was overwhelmed with joy while spending some time in prayer this morning. As I prayed for Isaiah and his future as a growing boy, I started to think about him as a growing boy. That would make sense to do, right?

I had prayed for Isaiah to have a loving, forgiving heart. As well as a joyous soul that longs for Jesus. Tears about came to my eyes as I thought about my little 14 month old, who picks his nose and eats food off of the floor, as a person with deep thoughts, a conscience, and even a memory.

Corey and I often talk about "older Isaiah." Corey has visions of him being tough, athletic, and incredibly smart. I have thoughts of him being sensitive, artistic, and still incredibly smart. These are our selfish thoughts-and no we do not plan to "make" him this person, whatsoever. Our thoughts are never expectations, just thoughts.

However, when I think of Isaiah being Godly, bold, loving, kind, forgiving...(the list could go on), my heart fills with a different excitement. Proverbs 22:6 says: "Train your child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it." I know that doesn't necessarily mean Isaiah will not be a sinner, because he already is. And, if I don't live long enough to see Isaiah come to Christ, then I will die trusting in God. But in hopes that he will be a Godly, loving, kind, and forgiving man...I will seek to train and teach him the best I can.

My boy is already a beautiful little dude. He makes me smile every time he learns something new. He gives the best hugs in the Universe, and hearing him sing makes me cry. God has already taught me so much through this little soul. God has taught me more of who I need to be.

Winter Thoughts

This year has been a tad different than the past three years of Christmas spent together. Our first year of marriage we lived in our teeny apartment on St. Catherine Street. We were without child, I was working at Dr. Bizers, and we were busy bodies. Last year we had a two month old baby and were in a rough season of our lives, wondering where we were going to live once the money ran out, because there was none coming in. This year we have lived in the same house for nine months, have a steady income, and a 13 month old joyous toddler...with another blessing to be due in seven months.

Over the last nine months we have learned to do many new things. I have learned how to cook and bake from scratch, and Corey has learned to sew. Many people will be blessed by our new learnings with homemade Christmas gifts this year. Partly because we enjoy doing these things, and partly because of finances. However, we are quite excited about making things such as homemade coasters, place-mats, and skirts. As well as fudge, peanut butter cups, raspberry brittle, cookies, and cranberry popcorn.

This year we have the opportunity to verbally express to Isaiah what Christmas is. Last year I remember holding my sleeping baby and reading the story from Luke. This year we will probably read of Jesus' birth from The Jesus Storybook Bible, so he can vividly see wonderful pictures expressing this glorious day.

Corey wants to tell the story of our Saviors birth at our Christmas gatherings with family this year. Well he hasn't expressed that HE is going to tell it, but he says he wants it done-which will probably mean he will do it. It will be great to hear the truth of the Holiday proclaimed, because in America we don't usually view Jesus as highly as we do Santa.

We also had the opportunity to go caroling around Germantown on Monday. It was great to sing praises to our King to people who may not believe it. Some people came out of their homes into the freezing cold to hear us, others stood at their doors, some didn't come out at all. At one point we went to a bar and sung to the workers and customers. Two ladies came out of the door and sang with us. In a neighborhood like Germantown, where alcoholism is largely an issue, it was fulfilling to proclaim Jesus with people that fuel the substances of addiction, or are addicts themselves.

We are excited to start new traditions this year, and to spend time with family. I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas.

One thing to be thankful for.

I am sitting in the bedroom I share with my wonderful husband, with time on my hands while my joyful little boy takes a nap. Now that I am growing another human inside of me, I spend less time rushing around trying to get things done, and more time taking it easily and slowly...and hoping I don't fall into laziness. But as I sit here in silence I hear God teaching me and showing me what he has done for me over time. Which is great, because I actually prayed for that today.

I used to isolate myself from everyone. I never wanted company, and if I was around anyone it would be a close friend...that would force their way into my life. When I met my husband, we isolated ourselves from people, which was mainly my fault because he had tons of friends that he loved. I was so nervous, and shy around others. Living that way lasted from a young age, all the way up until two years ago.

I am so thankful for Godly community now. God has worked through his people to love me, rebuke me, help me financially, and take the time to pour into me. God has worked through me to do the same to newer believers. That is one minute (but incredibly important) thing that God has done in me. I am completely changed by Gods love...in so many other ways.

New Additions

So a couple of days ago I posted some updates...one of them about a future home birth. Soon enough we are going to see this vision play out. The Russell family is adding another baby to their family!

After taking 4 pregnancy tests a little over a week ago, and seeing negative results we were pretty discouraged. But Sunday night, after an obvious symptom had occurred, we decided to take another test. (Well I talked Corey into spending more money on a test.) There it was, two lines instead of one. I actually took it in a friends bathroom, which they weren't expecting at all. They were very shocked to see me hand a pee stick to Corey with a smirk on my face. It was exciting to share the news with the lovely soon to be Meyers family.

So here we are now, all day morning sickness and all. Today, I have been living off of oatmeal, peanut butter, and honey...combined. Hoping the protein will calm the nausea.

We will be expecting the little one in the beginning beginning of July. No midwife appointment set up yet, but hopefully soon!

We are so excited to take care of another one of God's children. We are equally excited to give Isaiah a lifelong friend.

Doesn't the picture above seem as if he needs a friend right beside? I think so.

Updaytes

Hello all. It's been a bit since I have wrote anything on here. I think quite a bit has happened since our last meeting.

On October 26 Isaiah turned a year old! We celebrated his birthday by dressing him up in a fuzzy green monster costume and inviting over tons of friends and family, the Saturday before. It was great. We received lots of toys and lots of clothes from everyone, which was a blessing because his mommy and daddy are pretty poverty stricken these days. Isaiah consumed more sugar than ever, and surprisingly didn't throw any of it up.

Corey and I both wrote Isaiah letters about his first year of life, for him to read when he is an adult. It was quite emotional to reminisce on all of the events that had only happened within the last 365 days. I'm a sap.

Corey and I went on a neat "dayte" a couple of days ago. It was the first time we had gone out without Isaiah since our anniversary (over a month ago). It was a day date, we went to a Flanagans and ate appetizers, poor Corey didn't have beer because we can't find his wallet. Then we went to the movies to see "It's Kind of a Funny Story."

(While we were out we ran into a friend at Quills who called our day date a "DaYte," and apparently that is now the name for day dates.)

Also, Corey and I are planning our future as four instead of three. We aren't pregnant yet, but we are planning the birthing process way ahead of time because we were so unprepared with Isaiah. We are planning a home-birth, and found a midwife here in Louisville to assist us. We will be meeting with her soon, and are so excited to learn more about having a baby at home.

It was a busy month, and since the 31st is tomorrow I suppose I should start saying my goodbyes to October 2010.

Book List

Ok, so I have neglected reading for quite some time now. But I have decided to pick it back up...and I'm going to try to read a book all the way through, because if you ask my husband...I'm infamous for starting something and not finishing it

Right now I am reading Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl. This is a splendid read about how to be a great Godly helper to your husband. I'm loving it.

So here are some more things that I want to read, or reread:

Passionate Housewives Desperate for God by Jennie Chancey

The Hidden Art of Homemaking by Edith Schaeffer

Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson

Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon (a cook book)

To Train Up a Child by Michael and Debi Pearl

The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis

Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

Desiring God by John Piper

Don't Waste your Life by John Piper

That is just the short list, as I am limited for time!

But if you have any opinions, reviews, or recommendations....let me know!

Oh and Isaiah will be one in less than 3 weeks. Birthday Party planning is stressful, but super fun. I still cannot believe he will be a year old. And I'm having baby fever.

Bless you all!

Winter

The day was cold. White Powder coated the ground, and the trees had bared the last of their leaves. Large shadows were casted beneath my feet, I took a few steps forward.

The frosty wind hit my cheeks as I felt my tears turn to ice crystals. Red liquid poured from my cracking lips as I attempted to apply more Burt's Bees.

My eyes were full as I peered out at the open space surrounding the only soul within miles. The insecurities I held within rushed through my mind like a thousand antelope being chased by a fierce lioness. My heart was broken.

Another gust of icy wind whisked past my body. I felt my tired legs give out, and my knees hit the top layer of the frozen lake. The solid substance formed a crack, as I attempted to raise my heavy head to the sky.

I heard a crackling sound echo through the air. I felt a vibration in my throat, leading me to believe it was my own voice sounding off. More tears poured down my face. As I struggled to wipe them the warm sun grazed my cheeks. The wind whispered a phrase all too familiar, reminding me of joy.

The whispering wind lifted my aching body from the ground, and my arms to the sky.

Busy September

Corey and I had a really amazing weekend, celebrating my birthday and our two year anniversary. On Saturday we dropped Isaiah off at my moms for the night. It was the first night we had gone without our handsome baby. The emotions were a little mixed.

We started the day off by having a picnic at the top of Iroquois Park. It was nice. The breeze was cool, it was foggy out. We ate pita and bagel sandwiches and looked out on to the city.

Corey's parents got us a hotel room at a place that had a water park. That was neat. We acted like 14 year olds and went down water slides. It made us miss Isaiah a lot, because there were a lot of kids there, but it was still fun. We enjoyed ourselves.

We ended the night by just relaxing, eating, and watching television. That is a luxury when you have no TV set, and normally have a little baby making a mess to clean up. It was nice not to have to clean up after myself, Corey, or Isaiah. It was also nice to get a full nights sleep. That hasn't happened in over a year. It felt weird not inching to the coffee pot like a salted slug, which happens daily any other morning .

We enjoyed our day together. Though having a baby makes those times feel oddly different. We woke up early and left two hours before check out just to go and pick him up.

Sunday was nice as well. My family got together to celebrate my birthday. It was nice to see all of my sisters. Two of them I had not talked to in a month or so. I miss my family, and we all live within a 30 mile distance from each other. There is talk of us doing a family day every Sunday here on out. I am looking forward to it.

Today is mine and Corey's actual anniversary. He is working, unfortunately. We shall celebrate when he arrives home!

I Remember

Corey and I are coming upon our two year anniversary as two people in covenant relationship with God. It has been an amazing road so far, full of many seasons in which God never deserted us. I often get nostalgic and look back on our life together.

Meeting my husband when I was fifteen is going to be a neat story to tell our kids when we get old. I remember going to North Bullitt Christian Church and being overwhelmed with new people after my baptism. Joining a youth group was equally overwhelming, but I ended up with a special friend who enjoyed talking to me on AOL instant messenger late at night. We instantly clicked and told each other about our "life stories," which both contained way more baggage than a normal teenager should be carrying around. But it was nice to know that I wasn't the only person in church that had "stuff."

I remember our first date at the Jefferson Mall on a February Wednesday. Corey was getting fitted for a tuxedo... for some prom show a friend of his jokingly put him in. I was so nervous riding in a car with a seventeen year old driving. I was never allowed to do that before. It was snowing outside, and I probably walked two feet behind him the entire time. I barely spoke a word.

I remember going back to my house and listening to Sublime, because I thought he would like that. Little did I know, that was uncool... so I put in an Emery C.D. instead. We began talking again, for hours... making us late for church that night.

I remember the first time he kissed me. He came over before going to a Wake The Day show and I had to go to the Circus with my mom. I was walking him out, and as we both turned away he said "hey" and I turned around and he kissed me. I remember walking backwards, with florid cheeks... and giggling as he watched me wave and trip all at the same time.

I remember the day before Valentines day, he came over and we rented movies. Crash and Hide and Seek... to be exact. We watched them in my bedroom, with the door open of course. I remember laughing during really serious scenes of movies... and Corey telling me, "Shh. This is serious time," with a smirk on his face.

I remember that night, he went home and got on the internet... and asked me to be his girlfriend by typing, "So you think I should change my relationship status on Myspace?"

I remember holding him as he cried about his dad, and him being there to watch my mom and I hash it out... almost daily. I remember him taking up for me.

I remember turning on classical music in his car stereo and dancing in the parking lot of Little Flock Baptist Church, late at night. We stared at the stars for hours.

I remember having a picnic at North Bullitt Christian Church. We ate food his mom made. Instant chicken rice, garlic bread, and sweet tea. As we were wrestling on the blanket... he asked me to marry him. I remember saying yes... and as we lied there it started to rain about a mile away... and the rain cloud passed right over us.

I remember walking down the aisle seeing the most handsome man stare back at me. I remember looking into his eyes as we were married in front of great people. It was amazing.

I remember our great trip to The Smokey Mountains. I remember spending hours in the mountains, seeing the beauty of God all around us.

I remember our plans to move to Joplin, Missouri. We had to live with his parents, because we thought we would move there in a few weeks. I remember plans falling through and moving to an apartment in Old Louisville three weeks later.

I remember cooking baked Zitti and Hamburger Helper weekly... because I didn't know how to cook anything else. I remember Corey loving every minute of it, but gaining 40 pounds.

I remember it seemed that problem after problem had happened when we lived in that apartment. Cars broke down, stuff got stolen, we were cheated out of money.

I remember God blessing us with people, to help us in those times of need.

I remember finding out we were pregnant, five months later... and being so excited to meet our little baby. I remember when Corey used to pick fights with Isaiah when he was in the womb. Isaiah would kick Corey's hand when he put it on my belly.

I remember deciding to move to Indiana, with our friends Mike and Alicia. I remember great conversations about God and theology.

I remember giving birth to our beautiful baby boy, and never feeling so complete in our lives. Watching him grow has certainly shown the Glory of God.

I remember Corey no longer having a job, and fearing being homeless.

I remember moving from Indiana back to Corey's parents. I remember fighting off Satan, and having a really hard time. I remember the stress and anger as we were living there. We were really poor, living off of someone else, dealing with mental illnesses.

I remember Corey getting a job at Baptist East three months later. I remember praising God, and going out to buy really good food.

I remember getting kicked out of Corey's parents, and moving in with our great friends Justie and Nathan for a couple of weeks. I remember us getting to know them better than ever before.

I remember moving into our house in Shelby Park, where we live now. Watching Isaiah grow, learning so many new things, and falling deeper and deeper in love with each other and Christ.

God is so good to us.

Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

"Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar."

Psalm 42 really pulls some of my heart strings. When I meditate on the chapter I think a lot of my life before Christ. I think of the sadness, emptiness, and loneliness I had struggled through daily. Thinking of those past times bring a victory song from my lips, a victory song of praise to God for winning the battle against Satan. A battle in which something as serious as my soul was on the line. Praise God for saving me. Praise Jesus for dying in my place.

Last week however, I was reunited with the familiar pain of life without Jesus. Only this time I saw the pain in the eyes of an old friend. Someone who I was only a mere acquaintance of had passed away, by the appalling action of taking his own life.

At one point in my life I was close to the lady he had been dating. They were talking about marriage, and babies. However drugs were apparently pretty important to this guy, for he had chosen them over the people he left behind. Sadly...I remember hanging out with these people and not ever having really secure friendships because of things like drugs. Five years past that point, people are addicted to them and emotionally unstable because of their addiction.

It is always crazy when you hear about someone killing themselves... even when you don't know the person. When I heard about this, and about how badly his girlfriend was doing, I felt God wanting to show her the love of Jesus through me. I decided to write her a long letter.

When I left this group of people it was because I became a Christian, I was only 15 and still in high school. We never really talked once that happened, even though we often sat in the same classroom. I was young, and was all too afraid of peer pressure... I knew the life I was living beforehand was not of God. Not to mention that they thought I was pretty weird after my decision. There was no real "break up" point, or reconciliation. Just a lot of dropped relationships.

In the letter I wrote about my struggles with depression, thoughts of suicide, insecurity, and why I stopped hanging out with them. I wrote about my new hope, and my beautiful life in Christ. I described to her what real love tastes like, and how it is available to her. I told her about how we are constantly praying for her, and how people she has never even met pray for her.

I went to the funeral home, to give her the letter. I was scared out of my mind. I had not seen any of these people in two years, and had not talked to them in five. I was an outcast to them in high school. It was like the silly emotions of not fitting in (even if not fitting in was intentional) came back to haunt me. Like all the times you tell people you have become a Christian, and they think that you have become a "goody-good" or whatever they call it... these days. They were very selfish emotions. I forgot to consider the real reason I was there... to show the love of Jesus, not to make myself look good.

I went in and saw the girl. She was sitting in the corner... wearing sunglasses to hide how she was dying inside. I saw some old friends who talked to me, and loved on Isaiah. I gave the girl a big hug (I don't think I have ever done that) and she thanked me for coming. I gave her the letter and she put it in her purse.

When I looked past her sunglasses I saw the emptiness in her eyes; the loss of hope, the confusion... all of it. It was so sad. The feel of the room was something that I had felt before: empty. The presence of God was surely missing. Corey and I both silently prayed over the funeral home.

I left my number and email with the girl. I hope a seed was planted. I am praying one was.

The Sky Is a Blessing, I'm Sure.

I have been blessed an incredible amount. Corey and Isaiah Alexander have brought so much joy to my life.

I never thought that I could handle waking up at 7:30 a.m. every morning, and going to bed around 11:00 every night (with the constant two to three time interruptions in between sleeping) would be something I could handle. Staying home has been such a blessing.

Teaching Isaiah the story of Jesus, making food from scratch, cleaning up all of the boys messes. Listening to my husbands visions, thoughts, and rants. Listening to Isaiah babble on in the middle of conversations. Giving up nice clothes, dinner's out, shows... peace and quiet. When did this become so enjoyable? I love every bit of it.

Living life simply, and all for the glory of God. I struggle with that... but striving for His glory is a goal worth the fight. God sure has given me enough to make the narrow road a lot easier to travel down.

Love Holds No Record of Wrongs

I have some spent some time on the social networking site, Facebook. After spending about an hour on the website today, I have realized a lot of corruption in our World.

I read links that people "like" that are related to complete selfishness. One said, "Sorry means nothing if you are going to keep doing the same thing." That one really sticks out in my mind.

I know I have acted upon this thought before. Someone told me they were sorry, and kept acting the same way...and I decided to continue being mad at them. It's easy to act that way. This thought is very "good for you" in the Worldly aspect. But it's not of God.

We do this to Jesus all of the time. We say we're sorry and we keep on sinning. But He still loves us and forgives us. We probably do this to people too. I know I have done it to Corey 100 times or more. But he still loves me and forgives me.

We can't live out that statement. It's not the way we were called to be.

1 Corinthians 13 was not just directed to married couples. It's for the World.

"Allah Allah Allah, in every blade of grass."

Last night Corey and I went on a date to see the band Mewithoutyou. It was a little overwhelming at first, we had not been to a larger "non-local" show in what seemed like years. I forgot about the large crowd around the stage and people dancing so intensely that the probability of you getting hit in the face with a straggling arm was on the high side.

We had a great time though. Worshiping in such a setting is always so refreshing to me. Being in a place where you are surrounded by equal part Christian and non-Christian. It was really neat to observe the people who were worshiping around me. Hands were thrown into the air as people called out to Abba Father. There is such a rawness to worshiping with people you have never seen in your life, and with your husband holding you tightly.

I personally, feel so renewed today. Corey and I have been struggling hard lately with the junk Satan has thrown at us. Family issues have been stirred up again and again. Slothfulness and idleness have been my favorite activity to take part in. Anger and rage have been building walls around Corey's heart. But God is at work. He delivers us every time. Praise Him for his grace and His comfort.

A Small Dab of Something New

Well I found this pretty sweet website that let's me write cool articles on food. However I wasn't aware that they only wanted articles on food so I wrote a little something on cloth diapering. I thought I could post it on here (per Carley).

So here it is, hope ya' learn something new:

Cloth Diapers Vs. Disposable Diapers

Dirty diapers become a large part of your life as a new parent. You probably never thought the aftermath of lunch from another person would be such a significant part of your life. When thinking of your beautiful child, you most likely have some thoughts on what kind of diapers you want to use. If you are like any other person, brands like Pampers and Huggies, probably come into mind, but have you ever considered using cloth diapers instead of disposable? There are many reasons why cloth diapers are very beneficial opposed to disposable.

Today more and more people are concerned with their pocketbooks. Money is tight; diapers are expensive. For a quality pack of disposable diapers, you would be spending around 20.00 for a pack of 60. Newborns use about ten diapers a day. Monthly you would be spending about 100.00 for the first three months, which initially equals 300.00.

When using cloth diapers you have the benefit of washing the soiled material to re-use again. For the basic cloth diaper, your cost is about 15.00 for a pack of 12, and about 15.00 for a nice cover, which doesn’t have to be washed often. To start off you only need about three-dozen diapers and about two covers. This would cost you around 75.00. Keep in mind that the older your baby gets, the less diapers you will use.

Besides the fact that you would save money, consider the impact you would have on the environment. Since about 80% of diapering is done by disposable, about 18 billion diapers are used a year. That’s 18 billion diapers in the landfills. It takes about 250-500 years for one diaper to decompose. That is a lot of waste, and a lot of time to rid of it.

You care so much for your tiny ones skin, so how about the health of a cloth diaper versus the health of a disposable. Disposable diapers contain an extremely pollutant chemical called “dioxin”, this chemical is caused by a paper bleaching process, and has been linked to causing Cancer. It is banned in many countries, but not in the United States. Disposable diapers also contain “tributyl-tin,” which is another toxic pollutant that has caused hormonal changes in humans. There are many other harmful pollutants in these diapers. If most people knew of these things, they wouldn’t want to put the fibers up to their child’s skin. Cloth diapers are as simple as a cotton shirt on your back. The fibers are soft, pure, and gentle.

Most people would oppose cloth diapers because of the work that comes with them. There are many options when cloth diapering your baby. We have moved passed your typical plastic panties, and sharp pins. Here is a list of the different types of diaper options:

· Prefold Cloth Diapers- your basic and cheapest form of cloth diapering. These diapers are a flat piece of cloth in which you fold, use a Snappi to keep together, and a cover to protect from leaks. (A Snappi is the alternative to diaper pins, much easier and safer to use)

· Fitted Cloth Diapers- the next level of the cloth diaper. These are like the prefold, but are sewn in the shape of a diaper and usually have snaps or Velcro to fasten together. These still need a cover to prevent leakage.

· All in One Cloth Diapers- these include a liner, and a waterproof cover all sewn together. Many companies such as Bumgenius and Kushies make these. These look just like a disposable, but they’re washable!

· Pocket Cloth Diapers-These are like All in One diapers yet they contain a pocket that you can stuff with more liners, and doublers, for extra absorbency. Swaddlebees makes an All in One, one size pocket diaper to grow with your baby!

Using cloth diapers is cheaper, more earth friendly and more baby friendly. Cloth diapers are a lot easier than most people know, and there are many options in doing so. Choosing cloth diapers is one small step to a larger change. Your choice can change the Earth, the economy, and your family.